Dear Lesley,
I find myself wanting to write you letters, but it's just so
hard to get my thoughts on paper. Life
is busy, and my emotions and feelings seem to get so jumbled and are confusing
these days. Sometimes surviving the day
as a working mommy is victory alone, yet it never seems like I've won a gold
medal (we've been watching the Olympics!).
You must know though, that I train, practice, and try and I truly give
100%+ of my effort to being the mommy you need and deserve. Though I find myself failing all too often. So, as we pass all too quickly through this
stage of your life, I try to remind myself to savor every hug and kiss, every
tantrum and fit, and every little piece of you I can. Even the days it's so very hard and I just
want to hand you over to someone more deserving and more capable of raising you
in the world, I try to step back and just say "I'm blessed".
You are nearing 3.5 years old now. How is that possible? Every time I look at old photos, or I find
myself saying "remember when Lesley used to do that", I am an awe and
have so much gratitude that we have been given these 3.5 years. So many mommies, and people who desperately
want to be parents, can't say that. And,
here I am sometimes just trying to get to the next day, and then regretting
that thought since I know each and every day, even the most challenging ones,
need to be savored and thanks needs to be given for having those.
There are a lot of reasons why you make it so easy, and
absolutely wonderful to be a mama:
Letters and numbers – it seems that you are craving education
more and more. We love to go to the
library and check out books to read. We
are reading more and more these days, and I love it! Tracing letters is your favorite thing to
do! We have made more dot letters for
you to trace than we knew possible in the last few months. You are getting good at writing your name,
though sometimes only Mommy thinks it legible.
When you spell things, you say "Big M, o, little m, little m,
y". For a long time you didn't
understand the upper versus lower case, but now you are catching on and clarify
if you feel it's necessary. I love your
desire to learn and I hope that you will do great things with all your
knowledge.
Pronunciation & funny comments – you have this awesome
way of making things unique. You call
the remote a ka-mote, you tend to add the "y" syllable to
everything!, Poppy (Papa), flip floppy, huggy, kissy, Grammy, girly, etc., you
insist that the tee-pee in the playroom is actually a tea-pot, you call
parmesan cheese "carmesan cheese".
Here are some other cute Lesley quotes I've managed to save over the
past few months.
·
"I don't know if I can promise that."
·
"I see the moon. It is flying to my house."
·
"Will you take my muscles off?" When she wanted me to remove the floaties
from her arms.
·
"I want steak." - In a really loud, whiney voice while we
were waiting for the chef to prepare our food at a Japanese steakhouse.
·
"I'm just kidding."
·
"Can you turn my air conditioner on?" - She was actually wondering if we could turn
her humidifier on.
·
"Uncle Andy has TWO sisters. He's so lucky." - When figuring out that Aunt Aimee and Mommy
are BOTH Andy's sisters.
·
"It's a crab not a crumb." - She does not understand what a crumb is, we
don't have any crabs at our house but depending on how clean the house is, we
might have a lot of crumbs. I have also
caught her calling crumbs "crap"..oops, I'll take the blame for that
but at least it was easily corrected since she doesn't know what crap is.
·
"Mommy, the big bad wolf blew the house IN
not down."
·
"Aiden has a tic tac on his arm." - Really, it was a tattoo.
·
I was helping her say her prayers one
night. Here was what we ended up with –
Mommy: "Dear God, thank you
for my sister Leah."
Lesley: "And, my crazy cousin Lilly
and hand lotion."
Mommy: "Please help me to listen to
my mommy and daddy"
Lesley: "And, uncle. And, Grandmas and papas."
·
"You can't wear your jammies to work
mommy. It's not pj day today. That was last week."
·
"I really miss the old house. I especially miss the basement." - Huh? We didn't even have a finished basement, and
she rarely was allowed to go down there.
I guess she might be referring to the fact that the cats used to eat and
use the litter box in the basement and now they get the laundry room.
·
"Take me out to the ballgame." - She randomly just bursts out in song,
especially now that she has started preschool.
This is one of her favorites.
·
"I don't want to sell this." - We are still finding moving tags on boxes
and things. She thinks anything with a
blue sticker that has numbers is for sale.
·
"It's raining cats and dogs."
·
"I want you to hold me all day."
·
"Uh-oh spaghetti o."
·
"A goose didn't lay an egg on my head
Mommy." - Her response when I told
her she had a goose egg after falling and bonking her head.
·
"I have a great idea."
·
"Criss cross applesauce, hands in your lap." - This is how they get the kids to sit what
we used to call Indian style at school.
·
You found some money laying on the table one day
and you quickly snatched it and said, "I'll put it in the basket at
church."
·
Mommy:
"I have an idea Lesley."
Lesley: "Mommy, you always
have good ideas."
·
"Totally", "Of course not",
"Actually" – Phrases used when she is going to argue with you or
offer her own suggestion for the way something should be done. And, with a little attitude.
·
"I'm going to change my attitude." –
When I threaten her about kindly remind her that she is being sassy.
·
Lesley:
"Mommy, what do you want for your birthday?"
Mommy: "A vacation"
Lesley: "Ok, I will buy you
that."
Mommy: "How are you going to
do that?"
Lesley: "With my money."
Mommy: "Where are you going
to get your money?"
Lesley: "At the bank."
·
"You are going to eat Sushi. Don't do that!" – When Jason and I were
talking about getting sushi to eat, but she thought we were talking about our friend's
cat who is named Sushi.
·
"It says Mommy Carlin." - When I asked her what my work ID badge
says.
Your best friend is truly your cousin Lilly, though one day
you told Grandma that Grandma was your best friend. As soon as you said that, we heard Lilly
crying from the other room. She said,
"But, Lesley is my best friend" and was very upset that you didn't
think she was yours. We've clarified now
and it's all good. You love that girl so
much!
Honestly I think you have two best friends - Lilly and Leah
- since you don't know what life was like without Leah, and if she isn't around
you always ask for her and say you miss her.
And, if you are given a sticker or a treat, you make sure that you get
one for Leah too. Usually. I'm excited for the day when we move you into
Leah's room and you get to share.
You are very independent and want to do everything yourself
– good thing!…but then there are times when you claim you can't do something as
simple as putting your shoes on, or picking up your books – bad thing!. It's so strange how your body just shuts down
at times. Ha! Maybe it's not your body that lacks muscles
at certain times but your orneriness kicks in.
Stalling techniques are at their all time high right now!
That's a lot of good reasons, right? And so many more I can't even try to put on
paper. But, regardless, there are a few,
just a few, ways you make it sort of challenging to be a mama.
Sleeptalking – You definitely talk a lot in your sleep. We noticed this a LOT while on vacation and
sleeping in the same room. It's a lot of
"Mommy, mommy, and MOMMY." I
guess you are having dreams or nightmares or something. It makes me worry about you. But, recently you have decided that you are
not in fact "stuck" in your bed after we put you in there. This means you come out of your room on your
own! Yikes! I was loving how you would just wait in bed
and holler for us. Sometimes I greeted
in the wee hours of the morning by a cute, messy haired girl who has
mysteriously shown up in our room, wanting to climb in our bed. Honestly it scares the crap out of me most of
the time. You are so quite getting down
the stairs, or I'm just exhausted and don't hear you. This isn't a terrible thing, since you are
usually pretty good at snuggling up and sometimes even drifting off to sleep
between Daddy and me. But, on the
mornings when it is 3am versus 6am, I could do without the visit. Then it's always a toss up – do I take you
back upstairs to your bed, or do I just let you get in bed with us. Ugh.
The second option would be better if you did not sleep parallel with the
headboard, i.e. with your feet pushed into my side.
Fashion sense is lacking (though probably on track for a 3
year old) – You are very picky independent on what you want to
wear. Your shorts MUST have pockets, you
prefer skirts and dresses over anything, the pants must be 'comfy', certain
pairs of socks can only be worn on certain days of the week (and the schedule
is subject to change at any point, without notice).
We tried to limit the tantrums in the mornings by Mommy
picking out 5 outfits and putting them in the green basket so there was enough
for the whole week. Then, all you had to
do was get one outfit out of the basket each morning. But, you would still through fits about the
shorts and the socks, and whatever silly thing you could think of. So, just today, we started with a basket of 5
outfits that YOU picked out, down to the socks and panties. We'll see how that goes.
One day I told her that her shorts didn't match her shirt. Her response, "But they match my undies
and Leah's shirt." Yes, valid point
and I'm sure everyone that sees you today will make that same conclusion.
You are very neat and organized. And, you notice EVERYTHING! Some might think this is a good thing, and it
sometimes is, but a lot of time it just slows things down. Making sure everything is perfect and the
routine goes exactly as you had planned it.
It's just so hard to guess what your mood will be or what you thought
would happen at any point. I really do
try to plan ahead with your 3.5 year old brain and emotions in mind, but I'm
not perfect at it. And, honestly, it
doesn't bother me too much when things don't go according to your plan. In life, that's the way things often end
up. What bothers me are the emotional
meltdowns that happen…we could really do without those!
The whining and tantrums are about enough to drive me
mad! You tell us "No" way too
often, and you hate time out and throw massive fits if we make you go to your room. Early bedtime has resulted a time or two for
kicking and screaming, and just not listening.
I don't like that type of consequence, but it seems you reach this point
of no return and really that's the only solution we have found that works. We've asked a lot of you the past 6 months –
daddy working out of town, moving to a new house, new daycare/school, etc. so I
think some of the rough moments were just figuring things out. Plus, you are weaning off regular naps which
is a tough transition. Moving was hard,
for mommy too! And, we are seeing huge
improvements in the last 4-6 weeks, though there's still whining. Ugh! know
it's just part of being three, but it's so hard for me to understand the
purpose and necessity of it. Let's get
out of this whining stage soon. Please.
You try to put words in Leah's mouth, which is funny since
Leah does very little talking these days.
"But Leah said I could have her cookie." Oh, is that so? I didn't hear her say that. "Well she did." There is also a lot of tattling and more
sibling fighting these days. We work on
sharing pretty much every day, and some days are pretty good. But there are some evenings when you are just
at each other's throat. I wonder how
sharing a room will go on those nights. Yikes!
Anyway, I really think the "threes" have been more
trying on this mama than those dreaded "terrible twos". But…we are nearing the half way mark and
hopefully getting into another stage. I
mean, I hate time going so fast with you, but since we all know time won't
stop, I might as well pray for a stage with 100% enjoyable moments, and avoid
the 5% of the time I question my parenting skills.
This letter could go on and on…and it has gone on and
on. I've actually spent 3 weeks writing
it! There's just so much I want to
remember about you at this age. We love
you more than this letter can try to describe.
I hope that is something you have learned in your three and half years
of life.
Love forever and always,
Mommy
